THE SCRIPT

I less than three you, Ginny.

For your perusal and such:

Harry: [slowly]
I’m sick of summer and this waiting around
Man, it’s July, I gotta skip this town.
Hey, it’s no mystery,
There’s nothing here for me now.

I gotta get back to Band Camp
I gotta get back to school
I gotta get myself to Band Camp
Where everyone knows I’m cool.

Back to Marching and playing and aching feet
To sunshine and squirt guns and magical feasts
It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at
Band Camp! Band Camp!
I think I’m going back.

I’ll see my friends, gonna laugh ‘til we cry
Go to McDonald’s and order some fries
No way this week anyone’s gonna die
And it’s gonna be totally awesome!

Won’t go to sleep, gonna stay up ‘til dawn
Hang up some pictures that I’ve drawn
And do I all with my best friend Ron
‘Cause together, we’re totally awesome!

Ron: [entering]
Yeah, ‘cause together, we’re totally awesome!
Did somebody say Ron?

Harry: Ron! What are you doing here?!
Ron: Picking you up for band Camp, of course!
Harry: Cool!
Ron: So grab your stuff, and let’s go!
Harry and Ron: FLOO POWDER POWER FLOO POWDER POWER FLOO POWDER POWER!

Harry:
It’s been so long, but we’re going back
Ron:
Don’t go to work– I just come for the snacks
Hopefully this year I won’t get smacked
By Hermione
Harry:
But that was awesome!

Harry and Ron:
This year we’ll take everyone by storm
Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm
Hermione: [sneaking up behind the two]
Let’s not forget that we need to work hard on our drill
And practice our marching skills!

Ron: Aw, Hermione, why’d you have to be such a buzzkill?!
Hermione: Because, guys, Band Camp’s not all about fun and games! We need to work hard if we want to be good role models for the freshmen, and not make fools of ourselves!
Ron: I never made a fool of-
Hermione: Ron, last year, you tripped over a pylon and broke your trombone.
Ron: I-
Hermione: You put Colin McCune in the hospital when you tried to do suicides.
Ron: That-
Hermione: You made Dumbledore deaf in one year when you were practicing “God Save The Queen”!
Harry: [giggles]
Hermione: Ugh!

You guys don’t get how great we could be
If we would practice diligently
You’re just here to screw around-
Ron:
Yep, that’s me!-
Hermione:
But you guys, that’s not totally awesome!

This week I plan to practice a lot
Ron:
That would be cool if you were actually hot!
Harry:
Hey Ron, c’mon, we’re the only friends that she’s got!
Ron:
And that’s cool
Hermione:
And that’s totally awesome!
Harry, Ron, and Hermione:
Yeah, it’s so cool, yeah, it’s totally awesome!

We’re sick of summer and this waiting around
It’s like we’re sitting in the lost and found
Don’t take no sorcery for anyone to see how

Gotta get back to Band Camp!
We gotta get back to school!
We gotta get ourselves to Band Camp!
Where everything is Magi-cool!

Back to Marching and playing and aching feet
Back to sunshine and squirt guns and magical feasts
It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at
Band Camp! Band Camp!
I think we’re going back

Ginny: [rushing in]
Roooon! You were supposed to take me to Madame Opaleski’s for my uniform fitting, and use those sickles mom gave you for my gloves!
Harry: Oh, who’s this?
Ron: This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny; she’s a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry. Potter. He’s Harry potter.
Ginny: You’re Harry Potter! You’re the Boy Who Lived!
Harry: …And you’re Ginny.
Ginny: It’s Ginevra.
Harry: Umm. I’ll stick with Ginny.
Ron: Stupid sister! Don’t crowd the famous friend!
Hermione: Do you guys hear music?
Ron: Yeah, someone’s coming.

Cho, Pansy, and Lavender:
Cho Chang
Domo Arigato
Cho Chang
Gung Hay Fat
Choy Chang
Happy happy new year
Cho Chang!

Ginny: Whoa, who’s that?
Harry: [flustered]
That’s, uh, that’s Cho Chang.
Ron: That’s the girl Harry’s totally been in love with since freshman year.
Hermione: But he won’t say anything to her.
Ron: Well, you never tell a girl you like her! It makes you look like an idiot!
Ginny: [to Lavender]
Konnichiwa, Miss Cho Chang, I am Ginny Weasley. It is good to meet you.
Lavender: Hon, I ain’t Cho Chang.
Ron: That’s Lavender Brown! Racist sister!
Cho: Hey, hey. Aw, It’s alright. I’m Cho Chang, y’all.
Harry: She’s so perfect!
Ron: Yeah, too bad she’s dating Cedric Diggory, though.
Harry: Cedric? Who’s Cedric Diggory?!

Cedric: [entering, pushing over Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny.]
Cho Chang
I am so in love with
Cho Chang
From Bangkok to
Ding-Dang!
I’ll sing my love aloud for
Cho Chang! [Cho, Pansy, Lavender, and Cedric exit]

Harry: I hate that guy! That stupid, baby-faced jerk!
Malfoy: [entering in the arms of Goyle]
Did somebody say Draco Malfoy?
Harry: Malfoy, what do you want?
Malfoy: So, Potter, returned for another week at Band Camp, have you? Maybe this time you’ll wisen up and hang out with a musician of higher caliber.
Harry: Listen, Draco, Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the world. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
Malfoy: Have it your way. [to Ginny:] Wait, come here. Don’t tell me. Red hair, hand me down clothes, and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley.
Ron: Hey, lay off her, Malfoy! She may be a pain, okay, but she’s my pain. [To Ginny:] Now, are we gonna get that uniform or not?
Ginny: Okay, okay, let’s go! [Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny exit.]
Malfoy: Oh, isn’t this cute? It’s like a little loser family! Hogwarts really has gone to the dogs. But luckily next year, I’ll be transferred to Pigfarts!

This year you bet, gonna get out of here.
The reign of Malfoy is drawing near.
Everyone will have a reason to fear
And it’s gonna be totally awesome!
Look out world, for the dawn of the day,
When everyone will do whatever I say
And Potter won’t be in my way
And then I’ll be the one who is totally awesome!
Goyle:
Yeah, you’ll be the one who is totally awesome!

Hermione: Come on, guys, we’re gonna miss the train!

All:
Who knows how fast this week’s gonna go
Hand me a bowl, let the ice cream flow.
Harry:
Maybe at last, I’ll talk to Cho!
Ron:
Oh no, that’d be way too awesome!
All:
We’re back to learn everything that we can
It’s great to come back to where we began
And here we are, and ALAKAZAM!
Here we go, this is way too awesome!

Come on and teach us everything you know
The waiting’s over and we’re itching to go
Neville:
I think it’s time to see
Our great Lampdaddy!

All: [vocalization]

Lampdaddy:
Welcome all of you to Band Camp
Welcome all of you to school
Did you know that here at Band Camp
We have an awesome swimming pool?
[spoken] Open one day only.
Welcome, welcome, welcome
Band Camp
Welcome hotties, nerds and tools
Now that I’ve got you here at Band Camp
I’d like to go over a couple of rules.
My name is Nate Lampman, and I am the marching Band director here at Hogwarts. Now, first thing’s first. Who’s twenty dollar bill is this?
Malfoy: Mine!
Lampdaddy: Ha! Ten push-ups!
Malfoy: What?! [does push-ups]
Lampdaddy: Let’s continue. You must eat, get to bed on time, and drink lots of water. Remember, naptime is a privilege, not a right!

All:
Back to Marching and playing and aching feet
To sunshine and squirt guns and magical feasts
It’s all that I love and It’s all that I need at
Band Camp! Band Camp!

Harry:
Back to singing
Hermione:
And dancing
Ron:
Eating
Ginny:
And friends!

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny:
To Gryfindor!
Cedric:
Hufflepuff!
Cho, Pansy, and Lavender:
Ravenclaw!
Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe:
Slytherin!

All:
Back to the place where our story begins at
Band Camp!
Band Camp!

Lampdaddy: I’m sorry, what’d you say?

All:
Band Camp! Band Camp!

Lampdaddy: I didn’t hear you kids!

All:
Band Camp! Band Camp!

Harry:
Man, I’m glad I’m back!

[end]